Goodbye 2011!

So today Simon was all “what happened to your blog?” in harsh, judgmental tones. The kind that let you know you’re really letting the team down. You know, because in a week we’ll all be sitting around a fireplace somewhere, without a clue about how we got there, why we’re wearing penguin suits or how long until our cucumber masks should be peeled off, and when we look to the blog – the only memory-jolting tool we have – it’ll just warm our hearts with adorable videos of Oskar, the blind kitteh. And nothing else.

That would be disastrous, by the way.

Of course I reassured him that while this year is a complete write-off (since it’s almost over and also THE WORK, THE MOUNTAINS AND MOUNTAINS OF WORK), my New Year’s resolution is to write every weekday in 2012. Monday to Friday.

The response to this electrifying news – even if not delivered nude with sparklers in either hand and a stick-on ribbon on each boob as I had intended – was unenthusiastic. It was more than that; it was cynical! He said something like “you’re not going to have enough material for a blog every day" (as if I hadn’t been secretly filming him all year to gather interesting stuff to write about).

So just to prove him wrong, here are some topics that I could have written about, had I been writing for the past week:

1. The various discomforts associated with sleeping/passing-out-from-exhaustion on the couch
2. That time I tortured Dumpling with recordings of himself
3. The way the walls look almost like people when you squint (and drink) hard enough
4. The awesome work Christmas party I threw for myself and my colleagues (also just myself)
5. My various sleep-walking nightmare episodes – including the one that almost resulted in me bolting out of my room and running through the house naked
6. Measuring the size of schnitzels by faces
7. Alliteration-title-coming-up-with-story-writing
8. The postcards that look like us but are in fact just crazy cartoon animals who only vaguely resemble us.
9. The fact that it finally snowed. Thanks Munich, about time!
10. My sister coming and not even eating half a face of schnitzel
11. Crazy-eyed man and the other guy with the table fetish

And that’s not even getting into my blog reserves, which include the drunk man stacking it on the tram and also Simon stacking it on a tram. Mark has not yet stacked it on a tram. I’m waiting with baited breath.

Go 2012! I have high hopes for you.