Why?

I think you would agree when I say there are people with some pretty weird ideas out there. Like those dissolvable mouthwash strips that you put on your tongue to rid yourself of bad breath. I mean, sure, some people have really bad breath. So bad that maybe they don’t mind putting a thin strip of what tastes like minty toilet cleaner on their tongue. Personally, I prefer mints. What’s wrong with mints? All of the freshness, none of the toilet.

The point is there are people who come up with weird products and even weirder people who buy them. Hail to consumerism. Although I think – and correct me if I’m wrong – that there is a point when the glowing popularity of a particular product, like say the snuggie (I don’t get it. I never will get it. Stop trying to convince me that it’s comfortable. I fail to see the problem with pyjamas and a blanket) begins to define society.

Australians are clearly people who are concerned that their breath will reek after hours spent on the couch watching TV….or camping, because you can do that in a snuggie. See? And you know what, lazy people with minty breath? I’m okay with that.

What I find a tad more concerning are the people of Switzerland. And I know you’re thinking “Switzerland? Switzerland?! But that is a clean country of peace, wealth, punctual public transport and Lucerne”. And I know that it’s hard to condemn any nation that has a place like Lucerne. You’d have to be insane to condemn a country with a place like Lucern, right? Well before you block this blog, hunt me down and wallop me over the head, read what I have to say.

My conviction that the Swiss have gone nuts is based on this article, according to which a Swiss person by the name of “Dominic Deville” has set up an Evil Clown service in Switzerland and is terrorising children. Children! And before you're all like "well shouldn't somebody call child services or a psyche ward or grab a taser and do what needs to be done?" I should add that the parents of the children are paying for his services. Now put down the plank of wood with my name written on it and read on...

The idea is that for a week before their birthdays, children are stalked by a terrifying clown. They get notes, texts and phone calls telling them that they’re being watched and will be attacked when they least expect it. Fun! Am I the only one who thinks this is COMPLETELY NUTS?!

And sure, the final attack is an innocent cake-in-the-face. But, Switzerland, take it from someone who was terrified of drains for several years after watching "IT" at the age of nine, you are about to have a whole lot of unbalanced, sleep-deprived angry little people on your hands. Why don’t you get your kids something normal, like a teddy bear, a truck or a snuggie?

Besides, do you know? Do you even know what the creator of Evil Clown names as his inspiration? Watching horror movies. I rest my case.

And the most inappropriate photo goes to...

The pregnant couple fornicating in front of the camera...

I know you're probably wondering whose "special drawer" I've been rifling through to get my hands on this image. What I am about to tell you may come as a bit of a shock and trouble you more than anything I could do. Well, that's probably not true, but at the moment I have plenty to blog about, thank you. I dare say it's going to be at least several months before I start exploiting my friendships.

Anyway, I found this image on an image sharing site. I know this is hard to comprehend, so I'm going to make this even clearer: the people in this picture wanted for their lovefest to be seen.*

Ever since I saw it awkwardly (and overly sexually) sitting between images of babies and picnicking families, one thought has been plaguing me: WHY WOULD YOU TAKE A PICTURE LIKE THAT?

Clearly it isn't something you'd send to your mother. Well I don't know, maybe you would. I don't even know your mother. Maybe she's into that kind of thing. But it isn't the sort of picture I would send to my mother so I thought I'd come up with a list of reasons of why someone would take a picture like that.

Unfortunately, after some thought (and some really far fetched ideas), all I had written down was "amateur preggo porn" and "why does she have her bellybutton pierced at such an advanced stage in her pregnancy?" (which is really just about the same thing). So I decided to change my strategy and come up with a list of reasons why I think this picture was taken with pornographic intentions in mind:

1. The aforementioned bellybutton piercing suggests unsavoury, unclean practices.
2. Because the man's trousers are unbuttoned. There are three main reasons why a man unbuttons his trousers and only one that involves a camera.
3. The woman has the giddy/naughty-but-posed look of an amateur. It says, "Make it believable Maggie. Make it believable".
4. If you observe the photo closely you'll notice that the man is in fact kissing the woman's hair and not her neck, but he maintains the facial expression of someone who is in a very deep Tantric state (then again maybe he's just catching up on lost sleep. Who knows?).
5. There is just somethign creepy about their body and hand positions.
6. The woman is wearing a maternity sports bra which suggests this isn't a high-budget production.

There, I think six reasons is enough, although I'm sure you could come up with more if you wanted to. I'd suggest you stop looking at the picture now.

*I should also add that, somewhat inappropriately, the photo was tagged "mother" and not "amateur preggo porn".