Censored

Some things should never see the light of day.

Once of these things are NYE photos, which our gorgeous friend Lucie has been humane enough not to put anywhere public.

But because I don’t want all of you to miss out on having a good laugh at my expense, I’d like to describe them to you.

Picture a couch. A rather large couch. A large couch which is nonetheless struggling under the weight of my person. A person which is struggling to stay within the bounds of the black dress it is wearing.

On this couch, from left to right, there is:

Mark who is gazing a little hazily at the camera through red eyes, giving the impression that he’s spent most of his afternoon prying sharp, destructive objects repeatedly into his retinas.

Simon, whose recent visit to the solarium has rendered him excessively red and shiny when exposed to the flash of a camera (but perfectly fine when seen in natural light), who is attempting to act nonchalant by rolling his eyes into the back of his head.

And me.

Actually let’s talk about me. Because, despite everything, it’s hard to focus on Simon and Mark due to the sheer amount of photo space being taken up by my cascading flesh.

Oblivious to the desperate way in which my stomach is attempting to reach for the cake by crawling out of the sleeves of my dress, I am beaming with drunk pride looking every bit like the poster-girl for Spam.  

Spam. Almost like meat…but not quite!