Friday, February 26, 2010

Friday tabloid: Eddie on thin ice over gay jibe

Seeing as it's Friday I thought I'd have a little dig in the trashy world of tabloid news for some devastating scandal that was picked up by the diligent journalists of The Daily Telegraph.

I was not disappointed. A simple click onto the home page revealed this picture:

There are several reasons why this made my spine tingle, not the least of which was because I was really interested to find out whether it was Eddie McGuire or the investigation against his gay jibes that was on thin ice. The sombre expression on Eddie's face and the beaming swan-like man in the background would suggest that it was Eddie and not the investigation, but I try to be supportive of my industry, so I clicked on the story.

To my great disappointment this had a far less catchy (though more accurate) headline: "Eddie McGuire, Mick Molloy to be investigated over gay Winter Olympcis jibe". I especially liked the typo.

For the full rundown I'm going to let you read the story and make up your own mind.

In brief:

While commentating on the male ice-skating, Mick Molloy said something along the lines of," these boys don't leave much in the locker room, do they?" and Eddie responded with, "they don't leave much in the closet either, do they?"

Although I didn't watch this "jibe" take place, I imagine that both of the men had a good chortle at their own wit - something that was most likely echoed by more than one (and here I'm going to stereotype) bloke named "Johnno", "Davo", "Stevo" and "Tony Abbott".

The remark was followed by more "quips" about Brokeback Mountain. I'm still uncertain which was more awkward: the quips themselves or the desperation of both men to slide gay references into their commentary. I wonder whether they had stayed awake the night before:

Eddie: Mick, the male ice-skating is tomorrow and all I have is "man these fags look gay".

Mick: That's all I have as well.

Eddie: Okay, what else is gay?

Etc.

Either way I'm not here to get into a debate over the origins or appropriateness of the comments. All I will say is that with a sense of humour like that Eddie and Mick have a blooming career in the Christmas cracker joke industry if the commentating gig doesn't last much longer.

Although primitive, their word smithery was enough to outrage self-proclaimed Sydney gay rights activist by the name of Gary Burns, who then went on an angry tirade about unlawfulness and vilifying homosexuals.

Again you can read this in your own time and make up your own mind about his argument.

The part of the article that delighted me was the creative initiative that the author took in relaying Burns' disposition: "These hired goons were not down at the pub drinking flat beer with their mates, they were on national television being viewed by millions of Australians," he stormed.

Oh how I love that. I don't believe I've ever come across a journalist who described an irritated individual as "storming", but I love the undertone of mental instability that it lends to Burns' diatribe.

The reader's comments after the story are both excellent social commentary and a treasure trove for anyone looking for reasons to leave Australia. I'll let you excavate them yourself.

To my mum on the subject of genes:

Dear mum,

I have a bone to pick with you. Apparently, according to my good friend Anika and several other equally authoritatively-toned individuals I have you to thank for my industriousness and busy lifestyle.

Ordinarily this would be a cause for thanks, but here are several reasons why in this case, it is not:
  1. The part of the brain that in normal people is responsible for saying "no" seems to be inactive in me. In addition I seem to possess a destructive inclination towards volunteering for anything that comes my way. I fear that one day it might fall into the wrong hands and I will be powerless to resist an offer to help some deranged evil genius club baby seals.


  2. Due to the lack of said part of brain, I have committed to help bring to completion not only two websites, but also a play, a TESOL diploma and a Certificate I in German (on top of my full-time job). The result is that I now quite often find myself dozing off in inappropriate places and have, to date, covered the shoulders of unsuspecting train passengers, the counters of take-away food joints, my keyboard and most of the east coast of Australia in drool.


  3. In a bid to prevent my lapses of narcolepsy I have worked up an unhealthy dependence on coffee that has me looking as wired as a rabbit on speed (or, for those who know him, like my cowardly cat Hammie after he has spotted what is the movement of his own shadow, but what he believes is the vacuum cleaner demon coming to get him). On the up side, it has earned me gracious smiles from the owners of my local coffee shop. I suspect this is because my patronage pays their wages.


  4. With my time being taken up by working, memorising and catching up on lost sleep, I have reduced my beauty routine to little more than a shower and a shave (let me make this clear -- I refer to my legs, armpits and similar...I have not yet felt the need to shave my face). This means that things like my eyebrows, face and hair get left to fend for themselves. The result is that on most days I look like a bush pig that's had a run-in with Effie after briefly whisking through Dame Edna's wardrobe.
I realise that it is too late for you to retract those genes, but please take the above into consideration before passing them on in the future.

Love always,
Agnes

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Rudd looks to Ben Lee for crisis management

In the aftermath of the failed insulation scheme, which has cost thousands of jobs, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd poached some wisdom from singer Ben Lee when he told his MPs "we are all in this together".

The announcement came during an unplanned meeting, during which Rudd asked his MPs to speak to the affected workers.

He suggested that they approach the angry masses with guitar in hand or, alternatively, in a bubble. It had worked for Coke in an earlier advertising campaign to the same Ben Lee tune, he said.

Opposition leader Tony Abbott said that it was appalling for Rudd to use the lyrics and called for both Rudd and Environment Minister responsible for the bungled scheme, Peter Garrett, to be sacked.

He said that the Federal Government "could not even deliver the words to tune, let alone run the country."

"That song was played as part of the Coca Cola advertisement on TV," he added "Coke is Satan's drink."

Abbott's supporters declined to comment, stating that it was their strategy to offer their opinions in hindsight.

Rudd has remained a strong supporter of Garrett. It is believed the Environment Minister has a killer baritone voice.

Atheists, agnostics and religious types = hypocrites

I know that religion is one of the hot topics that journalists are warned to stay away from. I'm pretty sure one of my university lecturers might have even said "if somebody asks you to write about religion and you have a stapler handy, unless you want to lose clients attack your face with it."...perhaps not in those exact words, but the message was clear -- stay away from religion. Despite this sage advice, I've seen too many lunatics -- both religious and atheist -- to stay quiet, so I've decided to commit journalistic suicide...

Having been born in Poland, which is one of the world's most Catholic nations and even lays claim to a former pope*, my early education was highly instructed by religion. But, as it happens, while my mother's side of the family could just about set up a convent, my father's side is highly scientific and non-believing (or rather non-religiously-inclined)**. This gave me an interesting point of origin while growing up.

While my mother saw to it that both my sister and I were christened, given our first holy communion and confirmed, my father made sure that we were aware that there was a different way to think and it was acceptable to question popular belief. My mother, who is an incredibly open-minded person, seconded this point of view and never questioned what we chose to believe as adults. So while inheriting some faith in religion, we were free to ponder the ways of the world.

So now that I'm all grown up and free to make up my mind, I find it puzzlingly hard to do so. I find it hard to discount the existence of a greater power all together, without having the necessary proof, but I do not believe in the Bible or any real organised religion. I am what most religious people would classify as a "fallen Catholic". In theoretical terms I guess this would make me agnostic -- a fence sitter.

There are so many problems with this assertion that I do not even know where to start. Firstly I am a very selective agnostic -- that is I am constantly in a battle of the logical and the non-discountable and I am highly aware that I do not possess even near-full knowledge of religion and the religious argument. There are some things that I find impossible to believe, like that "God" allows children to starve to death as part of an unexplainable, "larger-than-us" master plan. It just sounds like a poor excuse by someone who has run out of answers. The concept that humans are put through some kind of earthly trial and judged based on how they react also makes this type of God sound more like the producer of the latest Big Brother or Survivor reality TV show rather than something that created the universe. Deeply troubling and frankly a little absurd.

On the other hand, I have been subject to strange coincidences and, although just as illogical, I find them hard to equate with mere probability. My fall-back is that there exists some sort of something - some may call it fate. I cannot say that this something exists and I cannot say that it is some sort of God...but I find it really hard to discount. I realise this makes me a hypocrite, but when it comes to religious or anti-religious thought I don't think that it is possible not to be a hypocrite.

All religious texts are hypocritical and paradoxical*** - so we are safe to say that in the act of believing, believers are hypocritical. Atheism is more or less based on the science-motivated belief that there is/are no supernatural God/s out there and that believing in something without proof is pointless, even ignorant. Yet until there is proof that there is/are no God/s -- something that is beyond our ability to ever prove -- atheism remains a belief in something that is not 100 per cent factual. A belief that discounts the validity of belief = hypocrite. And then there's agnostics, people like me, who pick and choose what they want to believe and disbelieve, mostly doubting everything religious, but leaving some wiggle room for doubt -- that in itself is hypocritical.

It seems that when it comes to this topic we should accept that we are in an endless catch 22, pick what feels right and go with it. I once met a man who was doing a doctorate in theology. His theory was that religion/non-religion was an individual experience and was increasingly becoming recognised as being so. On this point I agree -- whether you believe in a harsh God, in no God or in a God that dresses up in purple on Thursdays, it is something that you are entitled to and it is not something that anybody has any real authority to discount -- after all they technically know no better.

As such I have an immense respect for both atheists and religious folk, so long as they are not fundamentalists.

Where I have trouble is when religious people use their faith as a shield against prosecution; for example religious leadres who infringe human rights but are excused because of their beliefs. That's not right. If you rape a child, kill another human being etc. you should be prosecuted for those actions - I don't care which talking cloud or dancing rock made you do it. On the other hand, if somebody wants to live out a peaceful life believing in Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha or TukTuk the All-Mighty Parrot, then let them.

The same goes for atheism -- particularly something that I believe is called "active atheism" or, in other words, people who, in trying to refute religion, ram their beliefs down the throats of anyone who is willing or not willing to listen. This is just the anti-matter of religious fundamentalism and just as oppressing.

Regardless what you believe -- whether it is that God does or doesn't exist -- I think you have to be aware that it is to one extent or another a belief and not absolute fact. You are welcome to it, but let people believe what they want to believe. Since faith is not something that can be controlled by reason and since there is no way to prove or disprove faith (for we are destined to never know the complete truth about anything), why not let people live in peace? And that's my two bits...

NOTE:

Here's another hypocritical belief/note of mine. When I refer to religious belief in the above text I'm talking about actual recognised religions, not weird psycho-babbling sects like The Church of Scientology etc. I'm talking about religions which have a premise of "God" as something so metaphysical that His/Her existence is impossible to prove or disprove by scientific measures available to us. And while I think peaceful people who believe in absurd things should be allowed to do so, I am very prepared to judge them for it.

*John Paul II -- whole streets of Poland actually shut down and went into mourning when he died.

** they actually believe in all sorts of things - family camping trips, that shoes do not belong in the house, that dressing children in matching outfits up to the age of ten is acceptable etc.

*** Naturally I haven't really read all religious texts, but show me one that isn't and I'll call the Guiness Book of World Records.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

People who do things

When I was younger I always had the impression that one day I would change the world. In the years that have followed I turned from a hopeful optimist to a cynic and my plans for changing the world have been, at least for the time being, shelved. These days I'm quite satisfied with less inspiring achievements like making dinner without setting the house on fire, going an entire day without tripping or noticing and pulling up my zipper without grabbing unwanted attention.

But I am immensely impressed by people who despite facing the everyday battles like the rest of us*, have managed to really achieve something.

Fortunately there are loads of them, but I might just highlight two who by one means or another have come into my field of vision.


The first is the brilliant team behind Kenya Aid. A group of individuals so determined that they have managed to significantly improve the life of a Kenyan community by building a hospital, contributing to education and brining all sorts of goodies to help the local people with everyday life. Pretty incredible.


The second is a project that was sent to me by a genius best friend of mine, who whether he likes it or not is bound for greatness...but that's another story. What he discovered was a super funky water bottle that aims to save the environment. So if you, like me, have yet to benefit humankind, check it out.




*of course I speak of resisting the snooze button, peak-hour public transport, dodging sales calls and other obstacles that have been sent to test our sanity and patience.

Suicide Wednesday?

There must be something in the air today because it's not even 5:00pm yet and I've already seen about ten people attempt to kill themselves.

The first few were at the crossing between Central Station and Belmore Park . But this is nothing new. Every morning I watch idiotic pedestrians creep their way to the edge of the road, lean forward as far as their mortal human frames will allow them and then wildly fling themselves in the way of oncoming traffic.

I have weighed up the option that perhaps they are just that desperate to get to work, but it seems unlikely.

A mere five minutes later I saw an obese man actively trying to break his neck to the sound of Britney Spears. I have similar impulses when I hear her music, but strangely it seems she wasn't causing his plight. Instead it seems his motivation was to be rejected on national TV at next year's SYTYCD auditions. His attempts at what I can only assume was meant to be breakdancing would be enough to make a mafia torture master gasp with fright and the writers of the Darwin Awards drop whatever they're doing, hop onto the first flight to Australia, take short notes as they pass the Lemming masses of suicide road-crossers and hold their pen and paper ready for gravity to work its magic. If his neck doesn't succumb to the swinging mass of the rest of him maybe you'll get to see him in action one day. I doubt it.

So onwards to my office...and what did I see just before I entered the sliding doors of my building? A sizeable Hertz van happily gliding the wrong way up (one-way) Castlereagh Street. The driver was so blissfully happy to be spying Sydney in his bright orange Hawaiian shirt that he was apparently quite oblivious to the chorus of horns violently blaring at him. It took three cars to swerve out of his way before he noticed. Even then he didn't seem too shaken. With the smile of someone who's had an impressive dose of Valium he performed a fifteen-point-turn and went on his merry way.

I haven't been outdoors since then and frankly I'm a little concerned about what will happen when I have to meet with a restaurant owner at 3:00pm. Whatever it is, I hope it doesn't involve prawns.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

If only...

I found my ideal place in Munich...the only problem is that it's available from April which still leaves a six month gap until we get there.

If anyone feels like donating six months of rent to our cause I'd be very, very grateful.


The silver lining!

I'm not sure if you'll believe me, but I have found the silver lining to Sydney's ridiculous housing and rental affordability issues - it makes the rest of the world seem that much more attainable.

My partner and I are moving to Germany - hopefully Munich - in October of this year. Very exciting, but also a lot of uncharted territory (partly caused by the fact that neither of us can do much more than introduce ourselves and identify the kitchen in German).

Whenever we have spoken to people in the know of our Munich plans, the reaction has always been the same: "Oh ja, Munich is a really fun town. Lots of young people, really great culture. But it's so expensive. It is really, really expensive".

So it was with a bit of a heavy heart that I decided to do a bit of research into just how far out of the city we would have to live in order to be able to afford it. I was half anticipating a life in a cardboard box when something super fantastisch happened.

It turns out that fully furnished places in Munich are actually cheaper than Sydney real estate and I couldn't be more excited!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Woman survives tough lunchtime selection

A woman in her mid twenties has barely escaped with her sanity after being confronted with a tough lunchtime decision.

The incident occurred when food lover, Agnes Gajewska, reached for the menu of her local Thai restaurant, Chilli Cha Cha, at one pm and, after several attempts, could not decide between the chicken pad see eww and the ginger fish.

Colleagues of the journalist and editor began to worry when the woman began to froth at the mouth while muttering, rocking back and forth and gazing at the menu.

"It was like she was in a trance," a co-worker said.

He went on to confirm that of the two Thai dishes one is exceedingly delicious but the other would do wonders to reduce Gajewska's "back boobs".

In a battle of will Gajewska pulled herself out of her hunger-induced indecisiveness by chewing off a part of her desk. She then employed a game of "innie, minnie, miny, mo" to make her final decision.

In a statement released soon after the incident, Gajewska stated that she was happy with her chicken pad see eww although her back was now closer to a double-D cup. She is now in the market for a back bra.

Nudist beach raided!

Whenever I do my morning news read I'm not quite sure whether to laugh or cry at the news stories that make it to the front pages. The following scandal is, at the time of writing, listed as the fourth story on http://www.smh.com.au/: "Popular Sydney nudist beach raided!"

Dramatic! You can view the story here but let me summarise:

A concerned group of citizens called the police to investigate (and get rid of) 80 nudists who were conglomerating at Little Congwong Beach. An area that isn't legally a nudist beach (but with a name like that you can see how the mistake could be made).

It seems that the S.W.A.T. team mustn't have been available to conduct the "raid", so instead a couple of police and National Parks and Wildlife officers strolled onto the beach and told the crowd of 80 nude people that they should put their clothes on and leave. Apparently this was enough to subdue the nudist terrorists and they left without protest.

If only all raids went that well (and if only that same tactic worked on the micro-mini-clad teenagers who run rampant through the city).

Perhaps the funniest part of the story (some might even say ironic) is that the righteous citizens looking out for the moral code of the country -- and ensuring that all citizens are aptly dressed -- live on Bare Island.


Sunday, February 21, 2010

A fjord by any other name?

Here's something random that I learned when I recently went to New Zealand on a whirlwind holiday. Milford Sound -- THE Milford Sound -- is actually not a "sound" at all. It is in fact a fjord.

The distinction is in how it is formed. A fjord is carved out by glaciers while a sound is created by rivers and filled with the ocean. Milford Sound was carved out by glaciers.

Seeing as it was quite the oversight, and it would not do to change the name, a presumably worried group of New Zealanders then scratched their heads at what to do to make up for their mistake. Then one -- or perhaps all -- came up with the idea of naming the park and the part of New Zealand after their geological properties, and that's how "Fiordland" got its name.

Sure the spelling isn't quite right, but you get the general idea...

Friday, February 19, 2010

MIA: Gummy bears

I'm not sure whether anybody else has noticed, but gummy bears are really hard to come by these days. Following some serious cravings a few weeks ago, i went down to my local supermarket in search of them and was shocked to discover that they weren't available. The following morning I went to my work's local corner store (which, I should add, has all sorts of imported goodies like Reese's Peanutbutter Cups as well as a pick'n'mix lolly counter) and once again came up with nothing. The owner was apologetic but didn't know why he didn't have gummy bears.

Immediately I sensed that something wasn't right. Both places had jelly babies. Jelly babies! I don't know a single person who likes jelly babies. So, filled with concern and outrage I decided to do an investigative piece:
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Gummy bears on the brink on extinction?
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While the media stays ominously silent and government authorities do nothing a very special species of bear is being wiped out from Australia's mainland.
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Gummy bears or "gelatinous parcels of deliciousness" as they are otherwise known, were once common across the Australian continent. Their robust numbers and broad availability perhaps supported by a well-liked children's cartoon.

But with the cessation of the programme and Gen X and older Gen Y viewers grown up, it seems the bears fell out of favour with society and their fate was set to a new and treacherous course.

Nobody can be certain when gummy bears became endangered but one gummy bear advocate has claimed that she first noticed their disappearance from supermarket shelves in early 2010.

"I looked in the usual spot between snakes and jules and they weren't there," she said.

She also looked at several other outlets to no avail. She added that the situation was "unbearable" in a failed attempt at a witty pun.

So far there are no statistics regarding the true population of gummy bears in Australia, although there have been confirmed sightings at some larger pick'n'mix lolly bars as well as overseas. This has led some experts to deduct that the bears are still present in Australia although their numbers are rapidly diminishing.

At this stage it is unclear whether they have gone into some sort of sugar hibernation, got mixed up in bad society or have been eaten by Australia's expanding population.

In unrelated news, Australia's obesity rate continues to increase.

My First Post – Eureka!

All it took was one year of good intentions, three super-inspiring journalist friends, a 45-minute lunch break, some inner turmoil over which templates and images to pick and voila; here is my blog!

Since I spent so much energy on actually getting it up, I haven't really thought about what I would put on once all of the pieces were finally connected, but I feel that I should begin my blog journey on some sort of inspiring note...

So here is a quote that I pilfered from Sir Walter Scott when I was 16 and haven't given back yet:

"Sound, sound the clarion, fill the fife
To all the sensual world proclaim:
'One crowded hour of glorious life,
Is worth an age without a name."

- Sir Walter Scott

And while I'm not at all for war mongering (quite the opposite actually) I am a big believer in living life to the full. Just watch me blog...