First the drama…

Okay, so the whole August blogging thing didn’t work out. There is a good reason – no internet. No internet = no blogging. Simple enough, no?

More on that point – the next time somebody tells you about German efficiency, pick up a fork and stab them in the elbow. Why the elbow? Well, they probably didn’t know any better and you don’t want to maim them or anything. Unless you’re some sort of monster or maybe a person who’s been left without an internet connection for a month…they need to know NOT to say things like that.

Right, so we have no permanent internet connection and we live in a suburb that becomes rather scary at night. This means you should watch what you say around me when I’m wielding crockery.

Here’s a summarised version of our connectivity saga:

Some time before we moved into Block 130, we asked our landlords to go right ahead and re-connect their pre-existing internet connection. Re-connect the shit out of it; re-connect it faster than their fingers could type the Internet compnay's number into their phone. We wanted to be re-connected.

Dutifully, on the second of August they called the internet company to make the arrangements.

We expected that by the time we moved in (10-15 August), everything would be up and ready for us. It wasn’t.

We moved into our lovely pink palace of marble and rugs, and there was no internet. Meaning I had to flit through people’s houses and cafes and the local Burger King (the only restaurant in our new area) to do my work. Not good for my waistline...or my sanity...or Mark’s elbows.

Skip forward a month. A MONTH. IT HAS NOW BEEN A MONTH! And still no sign of the internet people (although rumour has it that they’re coming today). In the meantime, we finally gave up and spent money on a USB Internet stick.

This would have solved our problems only my computer has the soul of a 90-year-old man and doesn’t like technology or the internet in general. So it’s been acting wildly and unpredictably ever since we stuck the thing in. Sometimes I’ll be able to Skype, but not check my email; other times I’ll be able to receive email, but not send it or open any webpages.

And it’s expensive. Oh so expensive. Soon I’m going to have to pimp Mark out just to maintain my Googling habits (and they are vast). At least this is the neighbourhood for that sort of thing; we’d probably even get a stolen car in the deal.

Anyhoo…that’s the reason I haven’t been blogging. Not because I don’t want to tell you about my trip to Aachen or Block 130 (and how we’re trying to reform it with leaf-print cushions) or Dumpling, but because it’ll probably take me a day just to put this blog up. Or, if you’re reading it, then we’re in the future and the world is different. Send a flying car back in time to help me!