1) Happiness is a morning caffeine hit.2) Office air-conditioning was invented to test our ability to withstand sub-zero working conditions. And should we ever colonise a much cooler planet, it will be justified.
Until then I remain resentful.
3) Do Amnesty International call centre employees get paid? I’d like to have a legitimate reason to berate them for calling me when I’m about to find out whether Phillipe’s inflexible limbs will once again be his downfall in So You Think You Can Dance.
4) Is Bonnie Lythgoe (from SYTYCD) the daughter of a ferret or some rodent-like creature?
5) Is Natalie Bassingthwaighte the result of an unfortunate accident in which a pair of bagpipes, a mole, a sack of awkwardness and a tube of stupidity combined to form a television presenter?
6) Catching up on three hours of SYTYCD episodes can have blog-related consequences.
7) Who was the designer/person responsible for Sydney bus interiors and are they colour/style blind?
8) My productivity impulse sets in at exactly the same time that I realise I don’t have enough time to finish my work. Why?
9) Colourful paperclips are a fun thing to have on one’s desk, even if I’ve never actually needed to use one.
10) No matter how carefully I shave my legs, I inevitably find a little tuft of hair at about the same time I sit down in some public place.
11) No, girl on the train, vomiting stories are never cool. Especially when there are uninterested (and clearly repulsed) strangers in your carriage who don’t want to hear what repercussions your drinking has had on your wardrobe.
12) There needs to be a community announcement about the growing number of the blinking-impaired. They’re everywhere and they will swerve into your lane unannounced.
13) Although I lack the motivation to rake through this country’s laws, I’m pretty certain that it is not illegal to have my friend bring her dog up to my apartment for an hour. And no amount of polite smiling will convince me otherwise, evil concierge man.
14) I wish I was more poignant.
15) Truly fantastic TV shows have got to be either clever or gloriously mind-numbingly stupid. And yet Australian news, current affairs shows and Border Security fail time and time again (and not for lack of trying).
16) The joy in Stevie Wonder’s voice makes a perfect cleaning companion.
17) Bakers Delight is not a good bakery. It is disappointment dressed in burgundy. Don’t listen to the Sydneysiders who tell you different (they don’t know any better).
18) I’m waiting for the moment when the Red Cross charity people who try to poach supporters from the busy city crowd, start stabbing passers-by with syringes and taking blood by force. The aggression in their manner suggests this isn’t far off.
2 comments:
Oh yeah, number 10... can never figure out where that patch comes from.
And as for number 3, yes, they do get paid! I only found out a couple of weeks ago, but those telemarketers for charities are outsourced companies that actually take up to 60% (sometimes up to 90%) of your over the phone donation as a fee. ALWAYS donate direct to a charity, never via a telemarketer as it simply doesn't reach the cause it's supposed to.
Magic.
Oh I never give into them – mostly because I'm irritated that they call me just as I'm chopping an onion or doing some other equally important task and take a condescending tone with me. “Are you aware of ‘the situation’ in the Democratic Republic of the Congo?” If I could, at that very moment, I would reach my hand into my phone, through the invisible cable that connects us and slam their head into the wall. It makes me that angry.
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