A somewhat delayed letter to Alanis Morisset

Sweetie-pie horse-face,

Not ironic: An old man turned ninety-eight, he won the lottery and died the next day.

Ironic: The old man died after investing his lottery money in an experimental procedure to extend his lifespan.

Nor ironic: It's a black fly in your Chardonnay

Ironic: You’re on the moon, because you’re allergic to insects and have gone to extreme lengths to avoid contact with them.

Not ironic: It's a death row pardon two minutes too late

Ironic: The person performing the execution is the one you were convicted of murdering.

Not ironic: It's like rain on your wedding day

Ironic: You’re a fish (and are having your wedding underwater).

Not ironic: It's a free ride when you've already paid

Ironic: You paid for a cab because you thought it would be safer than getting into the car with your boyfriend. The cab crashed and now your boyfriend is giving you a free ride to the hospital.

Not ironic: It's the good advice that you just didn't take.

Ironic: The advice was “take good advice”.

Not ironic: Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly, He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye, He waited his whole damn life to take that flight, And as the plane crashed down he thought, "Well isn't this nice..."

Ironic: He did find it nice.

Not ironic: A traffic jam when you're already late
Ironic: You’re late to deliver a traffic report.

Not ironic: A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
Ironic: You work for a cigarette company and the official slogan is “How fast are you smoking now?”

Not ironic: It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
Ironic: You’re at “Knives ‘r’ Us”

Not ironic: It's meeting the man of my dreams. And then meeting his beautiful wife
Ironic: The dream man is repulsed by the way you look. His wife is your identical twin with whom you were separated at birth.

Ironic: You write a song about irony that contains a series of examples which contain no irony in them.

So, well done...