Never again

Today I got into the lift and held the door open for a man who works on the same floor as me. That’s how the most awkward lift ride of the month – if not my life – began.

Let me start by saying that the man who I held the door for had to run for the lift. And I probably shouldn’t have held the door open for him. He was probably too far away. I should have seen that he had only barely walked into the building and not blocked the lift doors with my body in a Godzilla-like gesture. That was probably a tad unnecessary.

The man – the one who was too far away for me to have held the lift door for him – had to run a half marathon just to get to the lift. He was far. So there I was fighting the lift as it repeatedly tried to maim me, while this poor man was running in his business shoes.

When the man who I shouldn’t have held the door for finally managed to get into the lift he was puffed. And even though I had made him run for the lift which he might not have even wanted to take, he clearly felt grateful for (or maybe a little bit impressed by) the way I had sacrificed my limbs for his sake.

So he probably thought: “I can’t just ignore her. Not the woman who works a few doors down and unnecessarily pries lift doors open for people. Not that woman. You can’t ignore her after she’s displayed such steely resolve and dedication.”

So, in between puffs, he tried to make small talk.

Oh boy. I am not good with small talk.

You really want to know how my day is buddy? How about instead I just mumble something about being cold and then rub my hands together. Then make a bad joke about my hobo mittens?

Apparently that doesn’t classify as small talk.

I should probably also point out that the lift is slow. I don’t have any evidence, but I’m pretty sure that if you looked into its mechanics you’d just find two ape-like men pulling it up and down using a rough rope.

So after my bad attempt at being normal (but how can a woman who unnecessarily pries lift doors open be normal?!) we stood in awkward silence for the entire time. THE ENTIRE TIME. And it took a long time for the lift to make it to its final destination. And I know that maybe this doesn’t sound agonising, but believe me, I was there and it was.