Saving the environment...in a roundabout way

Can I just set the record straight? Because I’d really like to. I’d really like to impart my wisdom on the ears of anyone who will listen…or on the eyes of someone who just accidentally stumbled onto this site. Hello there. You are welcome here. I like llamas but also strangers.

But I’m getting distracted.

Last night I went to visit my sister. This sounds pretty harmless, but what you’ve got to remember is that both of us are crazy. More dangerously, when we get together we allow our neuroticism to come slivering out.

The process generally starts with a simple admission. For example:

“I hate it when people add “but” to the end of a sentence.”

And before you know it our eyes are bulging, our veins are pulsating and we’re shouting about grammar and pronunciation.

“I hate when people don’t know the difference between “there”, “their” and “they’re”,” I roar.

“I hate when people say “everythink” instead of “everything”,” Kate booms.

“What about when people say “ekspecially” instead of “especially”?” I add enthusiastically.

Then I do a little lap around the room to work off some of the excitement while Kate humps her Oxford dictionary.

That’s roughly how things went down last night. Except, at some stage between torching an RSL club and building an effigy of Jane Austen, I decided that it was time to commit part of the message to my blog.

So here we are.

Listen up!

You know when you say “I should of driven the other way”? Well that’s wrong and you ought to be thumped over the head and then thrown into a deep, dark hole. And then a truckload of thumbtacks ought to be tipped over you.

The term is “should have”. The same thing goes for “would have”.

As in “I should have done things differently. Had I done things differently the results would have been different.”

I just think it’s important that you know that when you say “should of” or “would of” you are causing my blood to boil. And that’s dangerous for you and for the environment.