Starbucks drinkers beware!

Today, a propos nothing in particular Mark sent me a link to this story: Catch A Cheating Spouse With An iPhone Tracking App

and a brief explanation:

“I think setting this up would be a good idea. Not because I think you’re cheating but if something goes wrong I can find you.”

This seemed like a perfectly noble gesture, so I took the liberty of reading the article. Which I think should be re-named “the rantings of a paranoid salesman”.

The article begins with perfectly reasonable logic:

“An iPhone tracking app may seem straight out of science fiction or a James Bond movie. After all, being able to see where your phone (and its user) is located in real time remotely through a website is the kind of stuff one sees in spy movies.”

Errr… okay.

“However, with the iPhone’s in-built GPS, and the right tracking app, one can easily turn an ordinary iPhone into a high tech spy gadget.”

And why – you ask – would you want a “high-tech spy gadget” that does not shoot tranquiliser darts or release noxious gasses, on your phone?

“One reason would be to track your phone in case of a theft or loss. But another, more common reason is to track one’s spouse.”

Of course!

“If you believe that your better half is having an affair with someone else, a simple iPhone tracking app will allow you to monitor his/her movements in real time and figure out where he/she is at all times.”

Not creepy at all.

“Suppose your spouse tells you that he/she is going to the grocery store, but when you check the iPhone tracking app data, you realize that he/she was really at the local Starbucks meeting up with someone. Such concrete proof can lay to bed whatever suspicions of infidelity you may have and put an end to all the pain, anxiety and agony that comes along with it.”

Don’t get me started on the pain I feel when I find out people drink coffee at Starbucks.

“In the past, if you wanted to keep an eye on your spouse, you had to install expensive GPS tracking devices to his/her car. Not only was this solution terribly expensive, it was also quite ineffective. After all, the car could be parked anywhere, while your spouse may be somewhere else altogether.”

So true, that’s exactly the problem I’ve had in the past – expensive GPS devices that wouldn’t confirm whether my partner was having bad coffee.

“The other solution was to use a private detective. This is a woefully paranoid and outdated method to know if your spouse is having an affair. Why spend thousands of dollars on a PI who may or may not do his job when you can keep track of your spouse through an inexpensive iPhone tracking app?”

He has a point. I’m glad that a hidden iPhone tracking app is taking away the paranoia.

“Hidden tracking apps remain hidden in the background and are only found outside the app store and require the iPhone to be jailbroken. Obviously the benefit of a “hidden” iPhon [sic] tracking app is that your spouse wouldn’t know that he/she is being tracked.”

Obviously.

“With a visible iPhone tracking app, your spouse would know that he/she is being tracked. You may be able to talk him/her into installing the app for ’safety’ reasons…”

Aha! Mark, I can confirm beyond all shadow of a doubt that I will not go near a Starbucks. I hope that’s put your mind to rest and eases your pain, anxiety and agony. If that’s not good enough, I suppose you can jailbreak my phone and go with the sane, non-paranoid solution of installing a hidden app.

“[Hidden apps] enable you to secretly track your spouse and perform various spy tasks — such as reading text messages, call history, viewing images, and even listening to live calls.”

What a great world we live in.