I'd like to apologise...

Today I find myself in a reflective mood. The kind of reflective mood that makes me acutely aware and deeply sorry for the injustices in the world. So in lieu of an apology (the right, sincere kind, I mean) from our politicians and other responsible parties, I thought I'd take charge and set a few things right.

So I'd like to apologise to:

1. Anybody not acquainted with Sydney's random bus system. I have lived in Sydney for close to 18 years and I still don't know which bus I should be catching to get where I want, when to push the stop button in order to avoid speeding past the only landmark I can recognise, how to identify how many "zones" I'm meant to be travelling (I just defect to 3-5 when put on the spot) and why some buses arbitrarily become "prepaid only" (usually when you hand the driver a fistful of 20c pieces). I'd like for someone to explain the dysfunctional system to me, but really I think it might just all come down to the people responsible having been drunk, high or distracted by just how pretty national parks can be, at the time of creating the system. So, for that, I apologise.


2. Anybody who turns on the TV expecting to hear news and instead gets the latest (mundane) update on Lara Bingle's love life. "After drinking a glass of milk, washing the glass and putting it into the dish dryer upside-down because it dries faster that way, Lara Bingle was seen getting out her car keys and using them to open her car door (pause for effect) without Michael Clarke" etc. I really don't have any consoling words to offer you. I'd advise you to shoot your TV and throw it out the window, but firstly we're not in America, so firepower is a little hard to come by, and secondly even if you did manage to get hold of a pistol, all of your hard work and sacrifice would be wasted the moment you turned on your computer or bought a newspaper. So, sorry.


3. Anybody who has heard an inebriated group of Australians shout/slur: "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, oi oi oi". I'll let the chant slide as an expression of Australian support within the boundaries of a sporting arena (although really I think if we put our collective minds together we could come up with something wittier), but I don't think it has a place in polite society. I am particularly repentant in cases where the chant is combined with Aussie paraphernalia.


4. To the many generations (past, present and future) of English speakers who have been subjected, are being subjected and will be subjected to the use of "youse". No that word does not exist in the English language. Yes the plural for "you" is "you". Get it?! Good. Stop poisoning our language! This apology is extended to anybody who is learning to speak English. So once again for good measure: it's "you" not "youse".


5. To anybody who has suffered through four points of my ranting and made it here. I think it's clear by now that I had no material for today's blog. So, sorry, but I am harbouring a killer hangover (no I didn't drink a lot, I'm just a bit of a whoopsie). Either way I'm quite confident that it was in a similar state of mind that Hitler said "hey, do you know what? Let's invade Russia" or the Liberal Party said "That Tony Abbott guy isn't a complete nutter, let's make him leader" or the producers of "Neighbours" said "Hey do you know what would be a great idea? Let's combine the dramatic tension of the Bold and the Beautiful with a poor plot line and actors with the talent and charisma of a baked potato."

Anyway, I love a good rant and while that one wasn't particularly good*, it did the trick. So bye...and sorry.

*One final apology for point 5. I know the examples weren't great, so I'm going to come clean. The source of my inspiration was my blog and my dinner.

image credit: 123Greetings.com