Kid directs plane traffic at JFK

How can you not read a story with a headline like that? You can't. You simply must stop doing productive work, break right in the middle of the Pulitzer-worthy sentence you were writing and turn your full attention to where paranoid overreaction triumphs over common sense.

As you might guess from the headline "Kid directs plane traffic from control tower at JFK airport", some squirt on a break from school got to play around with the communication system at JFK airport under the watchful eye of an adult.

The article states: "A school-aged child could be heard on voice recordings talking to jets as they waited to take off. The child appeared to be repeating instructions given to him by a male employee in the tower."

Well yes, either the child was repeating instructions or had a severe case of schizophrenia. For the record I agree with the journalist and the authorities - it would appear that the child was repeating instructions.

Where the story takes an unexpected turn is with the launch of the FAA investigation. Yes, that's right, the Federal Aviation Administration decided to suspend the two air traffic control tower employees involved and ban all unofficial visits to the control towers to conduct an investigation. It is also likely that it has ordered anti-terrorism teams to watch the door of the control tower and shoot any unauthorised person trying to gain access.

Speaking of "the incident" the FAA administrator, Randy Babbitt, said, "This lapse in judgement not only violated FAA's own policies, but common sense standards for professional conduct. These kinds of distractions are totally unacceptable."

A bit of an overreaction? Not at all! Just imagine that if, instead of dutifully repeating the instructions given to him, the child had started singing "I'm a little tea pot". All of the pilots and ground staff would be caught up in the pantomime movements of the song and mayhem would be sure to ensue.

(Can't you just imagine the worried looks on the Botoxed faces of the evening reporters? "At just past four o'clock this afternoon five planes collided injuring hundreds. It is believed the accident occurred when all five pilots tipped over to pour themselves out, letting the controls of their planes slip...")

Or worse - imagine if a terrorist took hold of the tower and started shouting, "Crash into each other! All planes are to crash into each other!" Oh the humanity!

Perhaps the strangest part of the story is that the incident occurred in mid-February, but was only reported yesterday when the recordings were posted on the internet. It appears social networking sites have claimed another victim.

But considering that the FAA wouldn't have known about the incident unless some goon saw it online, you have to wonder whether the right people are under investigation. Shouldn't at least some of the blame be placed with the person who was in charge of reporting any irregular air traffic control announcements?

Before I go, I do have to commend the journalist of this article for the slightly mocking tone in the final paragraph:

"The pilots receiving instructions from the child did not appear too concerned with one pilot saying "awesome job"."

Good work. Awesome job.