Huffing?

Last Saturday, after accidentally getting tipsy on beer, Simon, Mark and I went on a food binge. Beer has that effect, and the meagre holdings of our fridge and pantry could not satisfy our carnal appetites. We. Wanted. NOODLES!

So we stormed to almost the closest Thai place (the closest one looks like a poor man’s casino and is the subject of a raging debate.  Simon thinks that sweaty decor, pokie machines and a constant influx of clientele means the cuisine is amazing...Mark thinks that if we eat there we’ll surely perish – either by salmonella or lack of chicken).

The restaurant we went to instead is always rather empty and dimly lit which, for the purposes of staying inconspicuous while being drunk, suited us just fine.

I’m not going to take you through the story of how we started gnawing our waitress’s ankles out of hunger or how we shamelessly licked our plates clean when the food had arrived. Instead, I’ll involve you in the mystery of the English language.

While we were waiting for our meal to arrive – starving and eyeing Mark (he’d be the first to get eaten if our apartment ever crashed into a cold, uninhabited mountain peak) – Simon suddenly picked up his spoon and...well, we’re still not sure what the correct word for what he did is. It seems we’ve found a gap in the English language.

Effectively, he blew hot air onto the spoon making it steam up. Mark was convinced that this action is called “huffing”. Like “Simon, why are you huffing at that spoon?” But when I hear that sentence, I immediately imagine Simon in pseudo-cartoon form with the nose of a raging bull, blowing hot air through wide, angled nostrils.

After saying it a couple of times, Mark, changed his mind too.

“It’s called fogging up,” he said with renewed confidence, “Simon, why are you fogging up that spoon?”

My imagination was right there with him, setting a scene where Simon put his nose near the spoon and started blowing out smoke – as if from a smoke machine – shrouding the spoon and everything around him in fog.

But Mark was sure.

For lack of a better alternative – and to get the image out of my head – I suggested it was called “steaming up”. Like, “Simon, why are you steaming up the spoon?”

After a few repetitions of all three alternatives we became confused and disoriented, so we changed the topic...and it was never mentioned again. Anyone got any insight?

P.S.

Just in case you were wondering: Simon had steamed up/fogged up/huffed the spoon to stop the blinding reflection of candlelight. That stuff can be brutal!