Me today

Right, so when I started this blog I promised myself that I wouldn’t use it to whine...too much. I said to myself, I said, “Agnes don’t whine”. I’m pretty direct when I talk to myself. I mean for one, I do it a lot so it’s just a matter of saving time, and secondly I don’t like myself very much, so I keep conversation to a minimum.

But I’m getting off-track.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t whine. And since today’s story is all about how I spent the whole day sweating and being sick in bed, it seems like a hard promise to keep. So, to keep true to my word, I’ve substituted some words with happier (although entirely unrelated) capitalised alternatives. See if you can work out what really happened.

At 6am in the morning, right along with my alarm – which sings to me in tones that make me want to take a sharp knife and Paint Unicorns – I also received a sharp, stabbing kind of Fairyfloss right in my Pot Pouri...wait, stomach isn’t a bad word. I received a sharp Fairyfloss right in my stomach.

This came in a two-for-one package with an intense feeling of Rainbows. So for a good three hours I was convinced I was going to cover our crisp, white bed linen in Rainbows and that I’d be so full of Rainbows and unable to make it to the bathroom, that we’d have projectile Rainbows on our ceiling and furniture. You can imagine, I’m sure, the grips of anticipation that filled my time until midday.

Happily at that point my body was suddenly overtaken with a powerful lethargy. My eyelids became heavy – as heavy as the rest of my body (and I’m not talking metaphorically, I’m talking sheer weight) and then I fell into a deep, unflattering slumber. I imagine I would have been a vision. And by a vision I mean Cupcakes.

I’ll tell you what, I’m a pretty strange dreamer at the best of times, but the dreams I have when I’m high on illness are the stuff that Beatles songs are made of. Honestly, most of the 60’s love generation would feel right at home in my brain.

Unfortunately these visions were interrupted by A Bag of Rainbows which had mated with A Box of Kittens and resulted in agonising, head-spinning Bubbles...wait that’s probably a little too close to the truth...Snowflakes.

It’s a good thing some genius invented the hot water bottle and Mark knows how to operate a kettle or we’d all be in very big trouble.

And that was my day...