You may scoff, but I’m really afraid that I’ll walk into an interview and before I can introduce myself, my leg hair will shout “wave thank you, damn it!” or “Really? We need to be compassionate with paedophiles?”…and that’s just not professional.
The only way out is to rant:
Saying thank you
Drivers listen up! I need you to do something for me. Raise your left hand – fingers to the ceiling. Good. Now put it down. That is how you say “thank you” on the road. It is that simple. Hand up. Hand down. Easy. Practice a little if you must.
Because you know what? I’ve had it with people who aren’t courteous on the road. I’m not kidding, the next time I see a driver ignore “merge left/right” signs, speed by all of the cars that are trying to do the right thing and then try to squeeze in at the end without a thank you, I am going to roll down my window, breathe fire and watch as they fan themselves to try to put the flames out.
And then – when their crotch is all ablaze and they’re looking at me bewildered – with my nostrils still smoking I will smile and say “see what you’re doing with your hand there? That’s how you wave thank you”. And they won’t be able to complain because you know what? You don’t bitch at a person who can breathe fire…
Tony Abbott
Anyone who reads my blog knows that I think a brick would make a better politician than this man. He is a dangerous mix of stupidity, conviction, ignorance and arrogance. But, being a person willing to learn and understand, I decided to go along to his session at the Sydney Writer’s Festival.
Since he is a published author of a political book called “Battlelines” (which I haven’t been brave enough to read. The kind of fury it might create may actually tip me over the edge), he came to talk about his political convictions.
The blurb for the session read: “Federal Opposition Leader Tony Abbott is laying out a new conservative creed as he takes on the Rudd government. What are his ideas, and what do they mean for the Liberal Party? He speaks to the ABC’s Annabel Crabb.”
So I was (foolishly) led to believe that he would actually express his ideas…stupid Agnes, really stupid.
In fact the entire session was a massive, fluffy waste of time in which he briefly mentioned that he thought it was important for the government to introduce paid maternity leave (yes, we’re all aware that’s a popular policy) then spent the rest of the time criticising Kevin in a really arbitrary, ambiguous way “he breaks promises”…“the Prime Minister has become a real disappointment”… and (I’m paraphrasing) “people didn’t get disenchanted with John Howard in the 2007 election, I think they just saw Kevin Rudd and thought “we’ll give this guy a go, why not?”. Everybody still loved Howard.” Sure. That’s what happened; nothing like a bit of denial to really drive a speech home.
Most of the talk covered topics like how much he exercises and how he’s involved in volunteer firefighting. My favourite part was when he told the story of how he lost the election for deputy president of the community firesquad. He actually said, “only in Australia would a cabinet minister lose to a motor mechanic” with just a hint of bitterness and a laugh…not pompous or elitist at all.
When asked about the widely-publicised “indiscretions” of some priests (because of his well-publicised religious views) he said that in his youth he used to be judgemental, but now he thinks that all people should be given some leniency and compassion. Guess what Tony? I didn’t see anybody buying your bullshit.
Anyway I could go on and on, but I won’t. I’ll just say that although I’m not thrilled with K.Rudd, if this buffoon wins the next election I’m moving to Antarctica.
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