Why?

I think you would agree when I say there are people with some pretty weird ideas out there. Like those dissolvable mouthwash strips that you put on your tongue to rid yourself of bad breath. I mean, sure, some people have really bad breath. So bad that maybe they don’t mind putting a thin strip of what tastes like minty toilet cleaner on their tongue. Personally, I prefer mints. What’s wrong with mints? All of the freshness, none of the toilet.

The point is there are people who come up with weird products and even weirder people who buy them. Hail to consumerism. Although I think – and correct me if I’m wrong – that there is a point when the glowing popularity of a particular product, like say the snuggie (I don’t get it. I never will get it. Stop trying to convince me that it’s comfortable. I fail to see the problem with pyjamas and a blanket) begins to define society.

Australians are clearly people who are concerned that their breath will reek after hours spent on the couch watching TV….or camping, because you can do that in a snuggie. See? And you know what, lazy people with minty breath? I’m okay with that.

What I find a tad more concerning are the people of Switzerland. And I know you’re thinking “Switzerland? Switzerland?! But that is a clean country of peace, wealth, punctual public transport and Lucerne”. And I know that it’s hard to condemn any nation that has a place like Lucerne. You’d have to be insane to condemn a country with a place like Lucern, right? Well before you block this blog, hunt me down and wallop me over the head, read what I have to say.

My conviction that the Swiss have gone nuts is based on this article, according to which a Swiss person by the name of “Dominic Deville” has set up an Evil Clown service in Switzerland and is terrorising children. Children! And before you're all like "well shouldn't somebody call child services or a psyche ward or grab a taser and do what needs to be done?" I should add that the parents of the children are paying for his services. Now put down the plank of wood with my name written on it and read on...

The idea is that for a week before their birthdays, children are stalked by a terrifying clown. They get notes, texts and phone calls telling them that they’re being watched and will be attacked when they least expect it. Fun! Am I the only one who thinks this is COMPLETELY NUTS?!

And sure, the final attack is an innocent cake-in-the-face. But, Switzerland, take it from someone who was terrified of drains for several years after watching "IT" at the age of nine, you are about to have a whole lot of unbalanced, sleep-deprived angry little people on your hands. Why don’t you get your kids something normal, like a teddy bear, a truck or a snuggie?

Besides, do you know? Do you even know what the creator of Evil Clown names as his inspiration? Watching horror movies. I rest my case.