Taking things too far

I’ll share a secret with you: I love my iPhone so much that sometimes I take it into the bathroom with me. Just so I can have a few extra seconds to play a game, surf the web or just stroke it.

Technology, in general, has a very special place in my heart. All technology. I can get excited about anything from the latest fruit juicer to a vacuum, lawnmower, game console or laptop. Especially a laptop. Especially if it’s a Mac laptop.

Sadly I’ve never owned a Mac laptop because Mark continues to ram logic into my head. And I suppose he’s right, I shouldn’t sell my kidneys to pay for a computer.

Anyway, I always thought that if there was ever a piece of technology that felt a little insecure, it could come to me and I would be like, “Look at this! Hey guys look at this! It’s a pen and a scanner, in one! Amazing!” and it would immediately feel better.

But I’ve just been confronted with my bottom line. My limit. Want to know what it is? An i-Fairy acting as a wedding celebrant. I’m not making this up. A couple in Japan got married by a robot. And not a cool or pretty robot like the name might suggest, but a creepy robot cross between Astro Boy, Casper and a fridge…but with less personality and the voice of a lisping five-year-old. I also suspect that it’s had some hip hop lessons from C3PO (the gold robot from Star Wars…yes I am that geeky).

My favourite part of the written coverage is the groom’s expression of disappointment that the i-Fairy isn’t smarter.

“It would be nice if the robot was a bit more clever…” he said

I don’t know how he expected the robot to display extra intelligence – by performing an impromptu lecture on quantum physics mid-ceremony, perhaps? Maybe he hoped it would sound more like an adult and less like a kindergartener on speed? Who knows?

But being a nice person, he compensated:

“…but she is very good at expressing herself.”

And I suppose he’s right…if what she was trying to express was that she wanted to be cast as the next voice of Pikachoo or land on the list of Bert Newton’s “20-1: Most Annoying Robot Voices” somewhere right at the top because there has never, ever been a more annoying robot voice.

But don’t take my word for it, you can watch the wedding here. Just be prepared. It is creepy. The whole time the i-Fairy looks like it might rebel against the flowery onslaught on its head by shooting laser beams – or maybe crayons, rainbows or pacifiers – out of its eyes, all the while learning to count like a good toddler should: